just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
