Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
