I just threw up on my dentist
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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