Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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