Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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