my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
