the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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