What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
