Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
