She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize