you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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