I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
