Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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