Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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