i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
