i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
