My Higher Power is John Stamos
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
