bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize