yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
