On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
