I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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