I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
