Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
