FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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