I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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