Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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