You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
