I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
