i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
