Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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