i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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