I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
