Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
