Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
