You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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