another moral hangover. fuck.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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