i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
