everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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