For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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