When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize