I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
