Can i not drive my cunt home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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