just come out here and I will go home with you...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
