the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
