party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
