I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize