And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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