at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize