She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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