:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
