If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
