OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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