If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
