he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't deserve a penis
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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