Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
