i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
