So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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