After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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