im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
