help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
