i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
