SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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