Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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