My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
