he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
