Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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