put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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