I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
