Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
