I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
