I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Mom said you looked used
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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