The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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