OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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