I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
