dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize