It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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