I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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