Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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