I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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